design / host
Last day of summer
Sunday, Aug. 26, 2001 @ 9:39 p.m.
Summer's last day has reached it's end for me and senior year begins promptly at 7:15 tomorrow morning. 163 days of mindless droning to the same old bells, to the same old teachers, to the same old subject matter. That's all right- the sooner it begins the sooner it ends. I used to not be apt to change and I loathed the thought of anything different from what I've know. Coming to realize that several of my friends have moved on to bigger places, that there've been some problems, some advancements and some set backs has made me no more comfortable with change, but it's made me aware that change is a necessary part of life. I've been an absolute mess this summer.
Often times I feel burdened & plagued, battling unhappiness and trying to let myself just be myself. It's hard thing to do- to realize you're a stranger to yourself, to realize your own unhappiness, to realize your need to be comfortable with who you are. At night, I lay under a glow in the dark frisbee from Florida, a pure accident. But it seems to mock me of a happier time and I feel as though memories are sometimes too painful to think of. Remembering a happier time, that has long ago ended, seems cruel.
I think it's funny how one moment the world can be surrounded by amazement and wonder and light hearted characters and places, and the next moment it could all change to a cold, gray and cruel place. It's completely disenchanting.
I promise to not be so down in further enteries- summer's at an end, things have changed, and I'm still trying to cope. Besides, I have to get up early now =(